Laugh out Loud

I seem to be working my way through seeing half the panelists of 'Have I got news for you' in the last year or so...This was the turn of Reginald D. Hunter...a man with charisma, depth, intellect and a wicked sense of humour!

Last night I caught his 'Sometimes even the devil tells the truth' tour at Cheltenham Town Hall. Reg managed to create the impression that 800 people in vast Victorian auditorium were just down the pub having a natter with him. He chatted away often philosophising as much as telling jokes. The topics covered ranged from Americans' views of 'abroad', his "Momma" and her old-fashioned sense of child nurturing, politics, multinational organisations, to a debate with his girlfriend about *nal sex, and questioning the audience about the appropriateness of holding people to the promises they make during sex. I loved his witticisms and shrewd comments, but was also seriously impressed with his presence and ability hold the room in the palm of his hand even when there was an underlying seriousness in what he was saying such as his obvious care about some of the issues he addressed such as racism, misogyny, childhood abuse. A talented guy & superb night out.

Before & After

Over the last few months due to being lax whilst she studied for exams Miss Sensible's bedroom has slowly disintegrated into a case severe enough for a life laundry programme.

BEFORE: She has been asked nicely, cajoled, nagged and ranted at to no avail. In the end drastic measures were required and she was informed in no uncertain manner that there would be no more driving lessons or horse riding until the tip was tackled. As the first day of half term, today was D-day.

AFTER (five hours):It might not look much of an improvement but 4 carrier bags of Horse magazines have made their way to the re-cycling, along with 1.5 large refuse sacks of sundry paper waste, and a bag of general rubbish. Plus 50+ books and 2 carrier bags of stuff have now been donated to the charity shop....

During this exercise Miss Sensible was transported into reminiscence mode with every item of previously forgotten gubbins she found. I admit I am prone to a bit of nostalgia from time to time myself, but she does not get her hoarding gene from her mother!

I was quite glad when her shift at Waitrose meant clearing could legitimately cease for the day. Worn out...and we still haven't braved beneath her bed!!!!

I need to vent my spleen

I've had such a week of Machiavellian activities ...we're talking the highest order of assignations and manoeuvring, underhand plans, continual change of allegiances, careerist tactics, divisiveness, extreme Teflon shouldering etc. etc. and that's just in HR ;o) We're talking about a manpower business where people are not an asset...they're there to be used, burnt out and then disposed of. I have never met such a dysfunction set of management in my life! ....I'm thinking of writing a book :o) 'How not to manage people'

ps. that's Niccolo Machiavelli in the pic in case you wondered

Yet another unbelievable tale

When I joined the organisation almost 2 years ago I inherited a team of staff and all that entails. They were not of my selection but you have to just accept that and deal with whatever comes your way. One of the team, a young lady in her mid 20s has been particularly high maintenance. She has had just about every conceivable problem with her flat requiring time off to let tradesmen in, as well as boyfriend trouble resulting in tears in the toilets on a regular basis. One particularly bad occasion she txt myself and the Team Manager in the early hours of the morning to inform us she was at the police station pressing charges against her chap and consequently would be in late the next day. The poor Team Manager had to explain to his wife why a young woman was txting him in the middle of the night!!

On top of this she had difficulty managing her finances which necessitated myself and Ms. Cor-Blimey taking her to one side and assisting with provision of cash advances and instruction in the art of balancing the books. Having undertaken the role of financial advisor/surrogate mum and therefore been aware of how much in the red she was, we were shocked when she approached us to inform of her intent to have a ‘boob job’. This was duly booked and off she trotted.

All did not go according to plan however and she had to go back to her surgeon to have remedial work. Having run out of leave and unable to take time off unpaid, she was permitted to draw a couple of days holiday from the forthcoming year.

Now, most reasonable people would think that having been so supportive she would go out of her way to pull her weight at work…. Oh no…. instead she began to repeatedly be late for work. Cue the disciplinary process. Two warnings for poor time-keeping later, the date for a potential dismissal meeting loomed. At this stage the penny dropped and she decided to resign. We accepted her resignation on the basis she came in the next day and completed a handover….. and she was late!! Talk about add insult to injury.

So that is where you’d expect the story to end, no doubt? I too thought I had drawn a line under it all until I received an email from the CIO informing me that the IT bods had been cleansing previously owned Blackberries and found inappropriate images on one. One of the techies proudly announced he knew whose it was from the copious pics… of a pair of ladies breasts!!! I laughed my socks off…... Yep, you'd think she'd....but I’m getting to the stage where not much surprises me any more….

Jaw-dropping

Another interesting day this end... We had a temporary cover problem on reception. One of the Managers says 'fret not an ex colleague of mine who's a really good chap is not working at the moment I can get him in at short notice and he'll be great to fill the slot'. 'Great' says I, 'but we don't have time to screen and vet him so he'll need to bring in at least a current Criminal Record Check'. Bright and early this morning he turns up in the office and the minute he passes me his CRB I know I've got a problem as it's more than one page long..... the list of offences runs to three pages including carrying an offensive weapon in a public place, possession of class A drugs, threatening behaviour, actual bodily harm, and considerably more, complete with a stint in one of HMs residential establishments. Guess who had to then tell him he wouldn't be working for us and politely ask him to leave the building....?

Having made it to the last 2 for final interview with a major built asset management consultancy the aforementioned lurgy meant I had to cry off. The headhunter was lining up another date but instead came back with the news it looks like they're going to offer the other candidate the job as they want to make a decision by the end of this month. So much for thinking it was 50:50.... Anyway, I'm taking it on the chin and being pragmatic... the Middle East has rubbed off on me as I tend to now see stuff as 'Inshallah'. Much as I could have done the job, it was a good step in terms of career and more dosh, it wasn't 100% what I wanted to do.....more manpower planning and strategy and I'm definitely an operations girlie nowadays.... Not sure I would've have fitted in here ->

Being of strong Northern stock

I tend to drag myself to work no matter what but when I woke up today simply couldn't open my eyes...well just the left one actually. When I did drag myself to the mirror I was greeted by a worse than usual image...my left eye had swollen and looked like I'd done a couple of rounds with a heavyweight. Quite clearly it wasn't going to disappear without some treatment so I headed to the Doctors. Quick diagnosis...cyst under the eyelid and a scribbled prescription later he was about to boot me out of the door when I said, "and while I'm hear can you listen to my chest as I was really breathless last week"....bronchitis! And there was me feeling like a right wuss last Thursday!